Racist Jokes

What’s yellow and black and makes you laugh ?
A bus full of niggers going over a cliff.

What do you call 100 niggers on the bottom of the sea?
A good start.


What do you call a nigger hitchhiker?

Where is the best place to hide a nigger’s food stamps?
Under his work boots.

How can you tell when a black as been on your computer?
It is not there.

How does a black chick tell if she’s pregnant?
When she pulls the tampon out, all the cotton is already picked.

What’s the good part of there being no blacks on the Jetsons?
It means the future will be great!

A black woman was filling out forms at the welfare office. Under “Number of children,” she wrote “10,” and where it said “List names of children,” she wrote “Leroy.” When she handed in the form, the woman behind the desk pointed out: “Now here where it says “List names of children,” you’re supposed to write the names of each one of your children.” “Dey all named Leroy,” said the black woman. “That’s very unusual. When you call them, how do they know which one you want?” asked the welfare worker. “Oh, den I uses the last names.”

There is a 3 story apartment building with 1 apartment on each floor. A white family lives on the top floor. A mexican family lives on the second floor. A nigger family lives on the botom floor. At 2:00 PM in the afternoon a terrrible tornado hits the building, totally destroying it. Which family lived?
The White family, because both parents were at work and the kids were in school.

Why do blacks have white hands and feet?
They were on all fours when God spray painted them!

Why don’t sharks eat niggers?
They think its whale shit!

What’s the most confusing day in Harlem?
Fathers Day!

What do you call a black woman who gets an abortion?
A member of Crimestoppers of America.

What’s long and black?
The unemployment line

A nigger and a spic fall from a tree, who hits the ground first?
The spic, the nigger never makes it because he’s stopped by the rope.

Why are niggers getting hit by cars more in winter on snowy days?
They are easier to spot

Whats long and hard on a nigger?
First grade.

What do black men do after sex?
15 years to life.

Why do decent white folks shop at nigger yard sales?
To get all their stuff back.

What’s the difference between a black and a white fairytale?
White begins, “once upon a time,” black begins, “y’all motherfuckers ain’t gonna believe dis shit!”

Why do pill bottles have cotton buds in the top of them?
To remind niggers that they were cotton pickers before they were drug dealers.

Leeroy is talking to his parents about his problems:
“Mummy, whenever I try to play with the white boys and girls, they always call me a nigger – why is that?
“Well,” replies his mum, “that’s because you are black.”
“And mummy, why do the teachers shout at me and tell me to go away, but they are nice to the white boys and girls?”
“Well,” replies his mum, “that’s because you are black.”
Then Leroy grins and says “Well, whenever I’m in the shower with the white boys I notice that my penis is much bigger than their penises.”
“Well,” replies his mum, “that’s because you are 37.”

How has Jesse Jackson lost the vote of most niggers?
He promised to create jobs for them if elected.

What’s black and white and goes rolling along the boardwalk?
A nigger and a pigeon fighting over a chicken wing!

How does a girl from Harlem practice safe sex?
She locks the car doors.

What are the 3 things you cannot give a black guy?
A fat lip, a black eye, or a job.

What do nigger pimps and farmers have in common?
They both need a hoe to stay in business!

What is the difference between Batman and a black man?
Batman can go into a convenience store without Robin.

What did the Alabama sherriff call the nigger who had been shot 15 times?
Worst case of suicide he had ever seen.

Black magic…. It doesn’t work.

I’m not racist, my shadow is black.

I’ve got this black friend… just kidding.

Why is making toast like an interracial couple having a baby?
It’s annoying when it comes out black.

Black man walked into the bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender asks, “Where did you get it?” The parrot says, “Africa …”

How do you know Adam and Eve were not black?
You ever try to take a rib from a nigger?

What did Abe Lincoln say after a 3 day drunk?
“I set WHO free?”

Someone just knocked on the door selling raffle tickets for poor black orphans.
I said “Fuck that, with my luck I’d probably win one”

What does FUBU stand for?
Farmers Used to Beat Us -OR- Farmers Used to Buy Us

Hear about G.M.’s new nigger Cadillac?
The glove compartment’s big enough to hold a watermelon.

Did you hear that the KKK bought the movie rights to Roots?
They’re going to play it backwards so it has a happy ending.

What happens to black people after they die?
Nigger Mortis.

What repulsive thing can be found in a nigger’s clothes?
The nigger.

A Liverpool docker went to South Africa for a job. The boss tells him: “Its people like you we want here. Here’s a test. There’s a revolver, go out and shoot 6 niggers and a rabbit.” The docker asks: “Why do I have to shoot the rabbit?” He got the job.

Racism is when you run over a nigger with your truck.
Reverse-racism is when you back up.

Why don’t niggers celebrate Thanksgiving?
Kentucky Fried Chicken isn’t open on holidays.

If Tarzan and Jane were black, what would Cheetah be?
The brains of the outfit.

Why are so many niggers moving to Detroit?
They heard there were no jobs there.

What does cotton have in common with noses?
Niggers are good at picking both.

Why do niggers always have sex on their minds?
Because of the pubic hair on their heads.

What happened when the nigger looked up his family tree?
A gorilla shit in his face
What do you call a nigger in a suit?

A teacher was giving a lesson and was telling the pupils that we came from Adam and Eve. A hand went up and the kid said, “But my dad told me that we come from apes, Miss?”
Miss replied, “Stay out of this one, Leroy!”

Morpheus and Neo are plugged in to the Matrix and having a chat.
Morpheus turns to Neo, “In this world you can be anything you want.”
There is a short silence.
Neo: “Then why are you a nigger?”

What did God say when he made the first nigger?
Oops! I burnt this one!

How are black people and tornadoes similar?
It only takes one to ruin a neighborhood.

What did Whitney Houston and Apollo 13 have in common?
A major crack problem

Why do a lot of niggers go to visit the Liberty Bell?
They heard was was some crack in it.

A large cruise ship strikes an iceberg and slowly begins to sink. The captain declares he is going to need to remove some weight from the boat or it will surely sink. He says to be fair, and not discriminate, we will have to call out people in alphabetical order to jump off the ship. Everyone agrees this is the only fair way.
The captain then declares “All African Americans, jump overboard!”
A niglet tells his dad”Oh noes, dat be us”. His nigger dad says “No sons, dats not be quiet”
The captain comes back and says “unfortunately, we haven’t lost enough weight yet. I will have to ask all black people to jump overboard.”
The niglet tells his dad again”Oh noes, dat be us”. His nigger dad says “No sons, dats not be quiet”
The captain comes back and says “unfortunately, we still haven’t lost enough weight yet. I will have to ask all colored people to jump overboard.”
The niglet tells his dad again”Oh noes, dat be us”. His nigger dad says “I said shut up son, we be niggers today!”

What’s the best way to keep a nigger confused?
Ask him what’s his daddy’s last name!

Whitney Houston’s life is like skiing.
Once you get on the white powder, it’s all down hill from there

Why Do Blacks Hate Country?
Every time they here Ho-Down They think someone shot their sister

What do you call the New Orleans Superdome full of milk?
Cocoa Puffs.

What was the only thing missing from the million man march?
An auctionner

What do you say when you wake up in the middle of the night and your TVs floating in the air?
Drop it nigger!

What do you call an all-black beach?
A litter box.

Whats the difference between a nigger and a large pizza?
A pizza can feed a family of four.

Whats faster then a nigger running with your TV?
His brother with the VCR.

What do you call 4 black guys in a car?
Tinted windows.

It’s true what they say about once you try black, you never go back.
I dated a black girl and now my family has disowned me.

Why do niggers have red eyes after sex?
Pepper spray.

What’s the difference between a nigger and a bouncy castle?
You dont take your shoes off to jump on a nigger!

What do you call a nigger with a regular job, who doesn’t drive a lowrider, sleeps in the same bed every night, doesn’t collect welfare, and doesn’t rape White women?
An inmate.

The black guy I was walking behind stopped, turned and asked “Are you following me?”
“No”, I said “You’ve got evolution all mixed up.”

A 5 year old black boy walks up to a 5 year old white boy and says, “My daddy’s goy a car. When he honks the horn it goes ‘honkey honkey’”. Little white boy says, “shit, my daddys got a chain saw when he starts it up it goes ‘run nigga nigga run’”.

A nigger walks into a bar with a pig. The bar man shouts “Oy, you can’t bring that in here!”
To which the pig replies, “sorry man, it won’t happen again.”

What do a nigger and a bicycle have in common?
They only work with a chain on.

Why are niggers’ teeth so white?
So you know where to aim your punch when you’re about to get mugged at night.

What do you get when you cross a nigger and a gorilla?
A really stupid gorilla.

Have you heard scientists have bred a nigger with an octopus?
It’s an ugly fucker, but it sure can pick cotton.

How do you make a nigger nervous?
Take it to an auction.

What’s the diffrence between a park bench and a Nigger?
The Bench is the only thing that can support a family.

What does a nigger have in common with a soda machine?
They both don’t work and always take your money.

Why don’t niggers like asprin?
They’re white, they work and you have to pick cotten to find them.

What do you call one black guy on moon?
A problem.
What do you call two black guys on the moon?
A problem
What do you call the entire race of black?
guys on the moon?
A problem solved.

How do you stop a nigger from drowning?
You don’t.

Why was the wheelbarrow invented?
To teach niggers to walk on their hind legs.

What did the sunbather shout at the nigger?
Ain’t you dark enough already?

What’s a crying shame?
When a bus full of niggers drives off a cliff and there were 3 empty seats.

Why are there trees in Harlem?
Public transportation.

Did you hear about Ku Klux Knieval?
He tried to jump 50 niggers with a steam roller.

What is the difference between a white owl and a black owl?
A white owl goes, “Who, who,” a black owl goes, “Who dat? Who dat?”

Sheniqua was excited about her upcoming birthday. She told her mother that uncle Leroy was going to take her to Florida for her birthday. Her mother asked Leroy if this was true. Leroy said “No. I told her when she turned seventeen I was goin to tampa with her.”

A nigger and a little white boy are debating on whether God is black or White. finally the little white boy says, “let’s ask God!”
The White boy looks to Heaven and asks, “God, are you black or white?”
God replies, “Well boys, I am what I am.”
The White boys exclaims, “well, that proves it, God is White!”
The nigger asks, “how do you know?”
The White boy replies, “if God was a nigger he woulda said ‘I iz what I iz!’”

A nigger goes into a library and says, “I…”
The librarian interrupts and says, “Fuck off, you won’t bring it back.”

What do you call a barn full of dead niggers?
Out dated farm equipment.

How did a whole regiment of niggers die in WWII?
When their commander said “get down” they started dancing!

Why do monkeys always look so sad?
They know they’ll be black one day.

3 kids in school one day.
The teacher asks them, “What do cows say?”
Amy replies “moo!”
Teacher then asks, “What do sheep say?”
Jack replies, “baa!”
Teacher then asks, “What do pigs say?”
Leroy says “Freeze motherfuckin’ nigger, what’s in the fuckin’ bag?”

Why do all black people run fast?
Because all the slow ones are in jail.

Why are there only 2 pall bearers at a nigger’s funeral?
A garbage can only has two handles!

“Life is like a box of chocolates.”
Not all the black ones can be trusted.

How is a nigger like a broken gun?
It doesn’t work and you can’t fire it.

What do you call 10 niggers in a steam room?
Gorillas In The Mist.

A black man takes a girl home from a nightclub.
She says “Show me it’s true what they say about black men”.
So he stabs her and takes her purse.

How can you tell a black person is lying?
His lips are moving.

What does NAACP stand for?
Now Apes Are Called People

Why do black people have white hands?
Everyone has some good in them.

Why don’t niggers go on cruises?
They’re not falling for that one again.

“Still hung. Over.” replied the KKK member being asked about the condition of the nigger over his 2 way radio.

How dose every black joke start?
With someone looking around to see if their are any black people there

A Mexican and a nigger are riding in car. Who’s driving?
A cop.

A white man walks into a bar and notices a black bartender.
“I’ll have a beer, nigger” says the white man.
“Hey there is no need for you talk to me like that. How would you like it if I talked like that to you?” says the black bartender.
“Why don’t we swap places and find out?” says the white man.
The white man and black bartender swap places.
The black bartender walks up to the white man who is now behind the bar and says “Hey you honkey, give me a fucking beer!”.
The white man replies back with “Sorry we don’t server niggers here!”

I’ve always got on with my neighbors. That was until we had a black family move in next door. Suddenly everything changed. Doors were constantly being slammed, there was shouting and music was played at full blast into the small hours.
Despite trying all that, I still couldn’t get that damn black family to move out.

I was on the bus the other day when a massive nigger came and sat next to me. I slowly started edging away from him and he said;
“What, you think I’m gonna steal from you, cos I’m black?”
“No, I think you’re going to steal from me because you have a fucking gun!”

Did you hear about the guy that broke into the local library and stole hundreds of books?
Nobody knows who he is yet, but police say, “it certainly wasn’t a nigger.”

Why did the nigger walks into a bar?
The cell door was still locked.

I wouldn’t dream of being racist towards my black neighbour…. I’d actually do it.

More funny racist jokes coming!

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12 thoughts on “Racist Jokes

  1. daniel

    A cop stops a nigger he aproches the car
    Cop :do u know why I stopped you
    Nigger:cuz I’m black
    Nigger :soo
    Cop:were gunna take it a look at your car
    Nigger take a crack at it
    Cop: Crack u heard him cuff em


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